What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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