Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
