i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
