Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
