My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
