I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
