If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
