Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
