3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Acid is not a monday night drug
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
