my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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