WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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