I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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