The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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