How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
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no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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