So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
