my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize