I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
