Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You are the jesus of drinking
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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