i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
