And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
