Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
