I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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