the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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