just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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