the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
