You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
