There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
