fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Duck Duck Cougar?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Terrible idea I love it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
