omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He better not be in your backpack
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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