Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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