I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
