our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
