you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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