I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
