i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
