"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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