Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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