Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
