Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
