i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
