please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
