dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
