New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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