she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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