We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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