do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
