This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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