I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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