trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Even my vagina gasped.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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