I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Welp...herpes.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
