would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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