Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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