I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
