Screwed.edu
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
