so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
