i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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