I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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