i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
