Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
