Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
