Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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