Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
