I wish I only lived at night.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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