Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
40s are totally the cure
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
