I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
