dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
