can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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