I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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