there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
