the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
