Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
