She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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