Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
