Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
