Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
