eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
