"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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