not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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