Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
