I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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