i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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